The prostitute, the prothesis and the protagonist.

Dear reader, this blog starts with a warning. It is not about recovery. It is not about load shedding, Malema or COVID. Dammit, it is not even about compassion, kindness or joy. It is just my story because I thought we need a laugh. I am so over 2021!

Here is the context you need:

This took place 22 years ago at our other lodge, Sunninghill GUEST lodge.

Even though we had not yet conceived of the notion of running a recovery lodge back then, our location near the Sunninghill hospital meant that we often had people stay with us who were recovering from surgeries or other medical care. (So we’ve actually had many years’ experience as a recovery lodge without knowing it!) One of the out-patients we looked after back then was a photographer for National Geographic. He was in a helicopter accident and lost his leg. It was a complicated above knee amputation and he came to SA to have a state-of-the-art prothesis fitted.

During the same time we had a group of men stay with us from a well known parastatal company (one which is in the news daily now.) They were all snow white, very Afrikaans and dressed like they stepped out of a fashion magazine from 1973. One of the guys was called Fanie and the highlight of his week was Tuesday nights when, the then very new show, Survivor

Okay, you’ve got the background, here is what happened.

My boyfriend had just started courting me and we were having dinner at his house one Tuesday when I got a frantic call from Fanie shouting, “Ann-Magret daar is hoere in die kamer onder mynel!” (Translation: “There are hookers in the room below mine.”) He then shouted even louder and said that he was trying to watch Survivor! He was rather hysterical.

I told him to stay put, dropped my fork and drove like a mad woman to the lodge. As I arrived a bloodied Fanie was just walking out of the photographer’s room. It would appear that he did not wait, but instead barged into our amputee’s room while said amputee was making use of his freedom with not one, but two ladies he paid for by the hour. Mr Amputee got such a fright when the ferocious Fanie entered the room, that he grabbed his brand new prothesis and swung it in Fanie’s direction. The prothesis lived up to its promise of being indestructible and light, as it managed to break Fanie’s nose and glasses.

I got ice for Fanie’s face and gave him a stiff whisky. I told the photographer that he cannot have visitors in his room and that he would pay for Fanie’s nose, glasses and accommodation. I obviously came across so angry that the two escourts left immediately. They did not even get dressed, and to this day, I am cross about the fact that they were wrapped in MY new fluffy white towels upon departure.

So, to make this story slightly relevant, we do encourage visitors at the Sunninghill Recovery Lodge because we know companionship fosters healing, but prostitutes and noise are very much taboo.

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